Cheers To the Ornery!

 Like a tree in the wind, we are shaped by our resistance.

~ Author unknown

When I think of those whom I admire or those who stir my soul, one common denominator is usually evident.   They have found a way to be graceful and strong...a gentle force, but a force to be reckoned with...tough but tender.  In my own life I know there are times when I react instantly from a place of courage and grace.  Other times the "shoulds" get in my head and muck up the process.  

I've recently been quite aware that for me these "shoulds" greatly impact my ability to stand up for myself.  I feel I should be peaceful.  I think I should not be driven to action by feelings of anger.  I should take the high road at all times & the high road is always quiet and calm.

These ideas are grand...grandiose.  The truth is that my feelings are always my guide.  I use them to inform me of where my thinking is.  In a simplistic way, though, this can leave one to feel that bad feelings serve no other purpose.  They are not useful beyond their ability to alert us to our quality of thought.  The question, then, that I'm pondering is, Do "negative" feelings equal steps away from well being, or can they be helpful?

My short story goes like this.  I grew up as the middle child.  Wanted everyone to be happy and became the house comedian.  I helped everyone else and I was good at it.  I didn't have a voice for myself until much later in life.  Much of the time I felt that the world chewed me up and spit me out on a daily basis...a mild wind could knock me down.  Regardless though, you'd never find me without a smile on my face.  Fast forward to present day, and I've learned so much about my worth and my voice.  I am happy...my smile comes from here now.  I am strong.  I understand and am aware, which allows me to enjoy life with ease.  But, the work that I needed to do in terms of conflict resolution did not go away just because I became aware of how I create my own reality. 

Instead, I have become so self reliant, that at times when I need to include others I find myself stalling instead.  What I've found is that there are times when anger or disappointment can serve me very well & ignoring or dismissing these feelings does not bring on peace of mind.  Sometimes we want to be driven to action by a feeling, and that feeling does not always have to be "positive" to be a healthy catalyst.  

To clarify, when I began to understand deeply that my feelings are my creation regardless of outside situations, I began to take complete responsibility for them.  This is a beautiful thing!  I began to practice and found that I could get myself into and out of any feeling I wanted through thought.  I could observe this through my ability to be aware of my thinking, and I could count on a deeper wisdom to guide me.  Suddenly the world was interesting and I was not feeling chewed up or spit out.  This felt so good, that I stayed here...plateau-city.

  

Recently, as is true with all growth, this comfy spot was not enough anymore.  New experiences brought new opportunity, and I found that I wanted dialogue at times.  This wisdom that I have learned to listen to and follow was leading me down a high road that looked much different.  It was straight and clear.  It was not rocky, pointy, or edgy, but also was not billowing with fresh flowers and rolling hills.  It was the road of a warrior and it led to battle.   

Even though I knew I was on the right path, it was difficult for me to give myself permission to be mad, to share with someone how their actions had felt.  I saw from a new vantage point that my ability to self sooth so skillfully had also given some people the invitation to offer much less than their best to me...habitually.  Because my quiet, peaceful voice had gone unnoticed, I had to reach into my bag of tricks for something new.  Since I was being led by the wisest part of me, though, my anger looked more like patience for what I deserved...my disappointment more like a need for hope.   

Coming out at the end of this life lesson I realize that I had done it again.  I had compartmentalized...fit my understanding into little boxes.  Some boxes were good and some were bad..black and white.  Being the peacemaker, good; Being angry, bad.  The truth is so much more.  My compartmentalizing had not let me see that conflict may be necessary at times, and that I do not have to loose my grace or well being to participate.  Feelings aren't good or bad.  Hard feelings sometimes lead to actions that mend and heal.  

I can't pretend to know what compartment anything fits into anymore.  To quote the Chili Peppers "The more I see, the less I know".  All I can do is surrender...know what I know and that it's enough.  There will be times for anger and times for peace and I'll know what time it is because my answers are always with me.  If I choose the path of no resistance every time I will not travel far...I will not see great things...I will not be shaped by truth.

Cheers to the ornery!  Cheers to those with the loudest voice in the room!  Cheers to the lovers who speak up even when their voice quivers!   Cheers to anger & peace, and all that happens in between!

I smile because I sing

Earlier today I was told by a friend that he listens to music to quieten his otherwise hectic mind. The external offering of music can do wonders for a busy mind. We can become immersed in the music and lose our self in its beats, melody and lyrics. It offers a temporary escape from the perpetually created world of our thoughts. We all have this problem from time to time, and really it amazes me that this disabling symptom of the modern day is not more widely acknowledged. The constant narrative of a chattering mind can be deafening at times. From the sublime to the mundane. Our internal commentary can both help and hinder us. At this point I'd like to clarify, I am not talking about our commonly diagnosed mental health problems. This isn't what 'other' people suffer from. From what I understand, it is the fluctuating narrative that we all carry. Some days it may go completely unnoticed. Others, it offers a cheerful narrative to accompany our interactions with the world around us “I’m walking down the road...isn’t it sunny today...I feel good...etc". Sadly though, this narrative has a darker side. Sometimes, the talk can be so dense that it can almost severs our connection to the rest of our body. The heaviness and intensity of these thoughts can leave us so tense and cut off that the world around us becomes a nightmarish caricature of itself.

From a personal perspective, I know that whatever story is being woven can be extremely compelling. Whether it's offering a epic tale full of adventure with enemies at each corner, or a suffocating scene of social dynamics to comment on. It can feel like it’s the only thing that really matters in that moment. However, what can frequently be overlooked is that this story is limiting my experience from its full potential. No matter how compelling, the chances are that this interpretation is limiting me from responding optimally to my surroundings. Plainly said. When my personal thoughts are loud, I don't hear others in the same way. I don't see the world in the same way. And I don’t see opportunity. In these times I would like to be a fly on the wall, observing how my insecurity seeps into every interaction. In modern day computer speak. My connection is down. I'm working offline. There is a vast space between me and the world and quite frankly it's impeding my ability to be the kind, compassionate human being that I know I really am. On many levels, when the narrative is loud, life can be hard to navigate. But, more so, if you are unaware that it’s the narrative that got loud, then life can be incomprehensibly harsh.

Which leads me back to a conversation I had last night. What is it I care about? I am involved in the Three Principles, in Community Development in the form of capacity building, community organising and supporting access to health promotion and well-being awareness. The root of all this, is I want to help people make healthy decisions. This isn't prescriptive. It's about raising awareness of the fact that we all live in fluctuating and dynamic environments. We are permanently caught in a web of complex social and physical influencers. The right solution for now, wont necessarily be the right answer in half an hour. We cling to formulas, education and research as if they offer us the key to happy unconscious living. The result is that we tend to sleep walk through our days making more and more decisions based on old habits of thoughts, fear responses or what worked for us last time. In the midst of such a busy mind, decisions become even more difficult. The funny thing is that often, when we are in the grips of this over productive thinking mind, we are not always aware that that is what is happening. Hence the sleep walking. The harshness of our thinking can manifest unhelpful interpretations of the outside world. Our low quality thoughts can lead to a limited potential to find a creative solution or making a healthy choice.

This is a human experience. For some perhaps, it is more frequent than others. Where I sit on that continuum I am not sure. But as the pendulum of my thinking mind swings I can take some comfort in my understanding of what is happening behind the scenes. Without trying to understand why, I can instead understand that this is a temporary ‘human experience’. By having an awareness of how my body feels. For instance tense or heavy, I can be with my body as well as my thoughts. The narrative can't take over completely, and in the meantime, while my body feels heavy, I know I don't have to take my thinking too seriously. I can be aware and listen for that moment when my thoughts, feelings and actions are light and flowing again. I feel very strongly that we are all able to be that kind, compassionate and connected human being that we know we are. From that space, I also believe that we can all make healthy choices in each given moment. For anyone who knows me, they'll be aware of my recent obsession with a book written by Iain McGilchrist, a British Psychiatrist, which is called 'The Divided Brain: The Master and the Emissary'. Among the many important aspects of this book, which I will likely to wax lyrical about in another blog, I have always been touched by this quote when he talks about our interaction with modern Art. He says something like 'These days we mistake our lonely monologue for dialog'. I believe this is the case for so many of us in our modern world. Whether that lonely monologue is full of cheer or misery, it so frequently stands between us and our full potential for a two-way connection to the real world around us.

Sometimes, the narrative of our thoughts can be so loud that we may not notice their bulldozing impact on the world around us. We may not even realise quite how suffocating and limiting this narrative is, until it begins to pass, or a tiny hole gets punctured in the validity of its story. From that point, we can at least entertain the idea that there might be a bigger picture than we are able to see at this point. The simplicity of the Three Principles, is that in union, they offer an anchor to cling on to when the seas get rough. Thought: When my thoughts are heavy and domineering, I know that they are coming to me on a moment to moment basis. The experience is temporary. Mind: my connection to something profoundly more creative and wise is still there. I am still the kind, compassionate human being that I 'know' myself to be. I’m just feeling a little bit lost. Consciousness: I know that in any given moment, my consciousness may raise. My thinking may become more useful, or my connection to Mind may offer me insight. This potential for new thought gives me strength to stay calm and as still as possible until it arrives.

So in hindsight, my response about my friend listening to music to quieten his mind was rather dismissive. I said 'I sometimes feel like listening to music is just masking the symptoms of our crazy world, instead of dealing with the root cause of our uncomfortable busy minds’. In hindsight, this response was very much coming from my own 'heavy thinking' of that moment. Because, now as I sit here writing this and listening to music. My toes are tapping, my body is swaying and I'm becoming more aware of the rest of my body. My tension is easing and I feel more creative. So here I am reminded of the importance of art, of music and connected conversation. For each of these, in their own unique way offer us a fleeting reminder of our natural state of mind. With that reminder we have a contrasting feeling so that we know when our chattering narrative is stealing the show. With that kind of gauge we can become better decision makers. Ideally, by knowing when we are in a state of mind that fosters clarity, creativity and ultimately supports us to make those healthy decisions. Or in contrast, when we know that we should perhaps throw down the anchor and instead of making any big decisions, indulge in some art and enjoy the drift.

Whip It...Whip It Good!

“Being smart as a whip includes knowing when not to crack it.”

~ Vera Nazarian

There's an important life lesson on my mind...one that is seldom spoken of, but that is subtly contemplated many times throughout each day. If we shine no awareness on this elusive process we inevitably waste time, energy and our own peace-of-mind. I have had this familiar feeling of confusion and frustration many times in my life. If we open our eyes to this lesson, however, there is no end to the learning and rewards that appear. The sparkly discovery that I'm pointing to is our constant ability to use our free will to decrypt any thought we conger up.

One rarely spends a moment to think about this cogitating that goes on within the confines of our own minds, but we're constantly deciding whether are not we will trust the thoughts we create. Sometimes we drop thinking that would serve us quite well. At other times, we may give power to thinking that gets us into trouble. Either way, we decide to trust some thinking, while we dismiss other thoughts. This does not mean that we should begin a practice of manipulating our thoughts...this is not a possibility. Instead, we can begin to count on our thinking...knowing new thought will come whenever we feel leery of the current selection.

So far, this is common sense...a simple truth that goes unnoticed as we live our lives. It comes up, though, all the time, and goes unnoticed even when we begin to feel lost...hopeless. Paying attention to how you use your thinking is in many ways the key to getting what you want...whatever that may be. Can you see the importance of deciding not to trust your thinking at times? Further, can you slip beyond seeing this and put it into action?

I was observing recently, both myself and others. There is a pattern I see in a lot of us...dare I say most of us. It's this ability we have as humans to have a loud, proud voice when we speak up for others, and yet we loose this confidence and volume at times when we need to use our voice for ourselves. I think the root of this is two-fold. One,we have a tremendous connection to each other...causing us to feel powerful and immediate empathy for one another. This happens quite naturally and spontaneously...and without our permission at times. Two, we somehow decide regularly to allow less of this esteem for ourselves...our vision of ourselves is not as clear. Not as affirmative.

I see this in friends and clients, who insist on believing the worst in themselves, but will then quickly believe me when I offer them a less destructive perspective. It's as though they want to hear about their own worth but they will not call it up for themselves. They hear beyond my words something they know is true...they are redeeming, but they let themselves forget this until I release it into our setting.

There are many stories I could tell about times when I have felt vocal for other people. The love I felt for them in their time of need overshadowed any thought I had to be quiet...to question their character. This may even be the powerful feeling that led me to the field of counseling to begin with. Somehow, though, when I am the one in need these thoughts of questioning and doubting appear to be valid...stopping me at times when action is needed. What is good enough for my fellow-human is too good for me in my own mind!

One story fits well here, because I was aware throughout the process that I would not have been so strong on my own behalf. My good friend was being manipulated by a person who was herself very lost at the time. My friend was in tears. Without hesitation, I walked the short distance to this person's house and dealt with the matter. I spoke from the heart...I found a way to point out my friend's strengths without attacking this other person's character. I was even, solid, and fearless. I remember feeling like I wished someone would do this for me in all of the compromised friendships I had at the time. Funny I never thought of enlisting myself!

In a way the learning curve has been steeper when I throw myself into the picture. Conversely, this is why it is so moving when I realize occasionally how beautifully other people see me...the ease at which they forgive me and move on with their image of me untarnished.

Recently, though, I had some insight that is helping me blaze a new trail. There is a process regarding personal thinking that I see with great clarity in other people. This is the fact that when someone is in a bad feeling, they have gotten there by believing some personal thinking that they shouldn't have. This has led them somewhere where they cannot easily thrive. I know this for myself too, but mostly I would not make this connection until after a decision had been made. The feelings all along the way were too often ignored. Although realization (at any time) that I had followed harmful thinking was helpful, it did not always lead to action in real time.

I began to see the personal truth in something that I had only deemed true for others in the past. Here it is....when my feeling state is off, this is not just an indication that my personal thinking should be ignored. It is actually a notification that I should not make decisions at this time. This is quite different, because the first level of understanding still leaves a lot of room for different, yet just as destructive personal thinking to be at play. The second, deeper, understanding has a whispering of reassurance in it...something like “Just let it be. New thought is on the way. There is no reason to continue on this path you've chosen. Your answer is waiting for you to get out of the way.”

There is so much freedom here! Somehow this little tweak in my understanding means that my feeling state can guide me with much more ease. These decisions that I make every day, big and small, can be informed by my feelings rather than analyzed later. I'm the only one attached to the thinking that is informing me at any given time...I'm the only one who can veto it. The goal, after all, is to make decisions that are right for me...not to make decisions because I've locked myself into them in my head. This does not take courage...maybe just patience.

I love when these glimpses into the nature of thought allow me to change my behavior. Because I give myself total permission to dismiss my personal thinking when necessary, I will not make as many unfortunate decisions for myself. Waiting for the right answer is more logical. Insisting on a thought that I just made up, does not hold any merit. Noticing later the wrong feelings I was in while I made a decision, is not good enough anymore.

This, ladies and gents, is how change happens. Instantaneous, because you are suddenly informed by a new perspective that makes your old process seem obsolete. Suddenly the shackles are off and you realize that you had the key. Just like that, you can become smart as a whip, without worrying that you'll injure yourself with a lashing!

If you are not ready, just start.

I returned to the UK a couple of weeks ago and life has truly hit me in the face. My old life, that is. The life I once lived, but now can't quite remember myself within. This is no bad thing. I am just learning to find my place again. It's like trying lots of pieces of the puzzle within a well known picture. I'm feeling my way through to see what bits fit snugly and which ones, despite looking right and familiar, just aren’t a comfortable fit. It's a process that has its ups and downs. There are moments of surprise when I do something, or behave in a way that I might not have done last year. There are also fleeting moments of sadness that come when I realise I've fallen into old ways of being, ways that I thought I had long gotten over. I'm frequently thrown out of my comfort zone and required to act gracefully within the discomfort. At these times I remind myself, discomfort is an opportunity for growth.

With all this going on, I've also been entertaining my Blogger's block. Giving it way too much power as it itches away at my mind. I’ve so much to write and comment about, but I’m in a familiar environment where I once wouldn't write so freely. I’ve felt the conflict between the old habits of insecure thinking about my writing against my more recent desire to just write and share my ideas. Being back in the village where I grew up has surfaced a number of those insecure thoughts, which I had happily abandoned while being in the States. So, here's what I've noticed:

My understanding of the Three Principles supports a deep understanding of how, as a human, I create my experience of life via the thoughts to which I choose to give my attention. This brings a unique understanding and standpoint to life and my interactions. However, this understanding doesn't rid me of unhelpful thoughts. Neither does it cure me of my idiosyncratic behaviours. Rather, on a daily basis, it brings me closer to a human connection that we all share. So when these idiosyncratic behaviours and unhelpful thoughts show up, I can begin to navigate them more gracefully. Over time, without having fed them and taken them too seriously, I expect they may well disappear altogether. But, in the meantime, I’ll continue to stumble.

For a few days now, I’ve been taking my Blogger's block surprisingly seriously. I asked myself, “has it ended before it's even started?” Each time I sat down at the computer my thinking felt serious, my body felt heavy and under pressure. These were sure signs that my thinking was getting in the way of any potential good ideas I had brewing. Tonight however, after taking myself so seriously, I decided to listen to my own advice, "If you are not ready, just start". So I did. I ignored my concerns and my excuses, regardless of how compelling they felt. I sat down and started writing. Now, I find myself writing and I am enjoying the process. My flow of words feels like it is bypassing too much analysis. It's a connection that was only possible once I'd dropped any dominating thoughts. I'd gotten out of my own way.

The interesting result of this is that this experience is relevant for all of us right now. With New Year comes the inevitable New Year’s Resolutions. A handful of promises made in an attempt to rid ourselves of any nasty habits and become a better person. For those of us that bother to try, the first week normally starts out well. We're inspired by the newness of the year. We even feel brave enough to admit our failures and dream of a new way. However, often as time goes by, our old habitual thinking can take hold. It starts creeping back in because actually nothing has changed. We are still surrounded by the same cues, the same people and therefore tempted daily by the same familiar thinking paths to bad habits. Nothing changed except the last digit of the year that we scrawl down occasionally and a shiny new calendar to hang on the wall.

And, perhaps this is why New Year’s resolutions don't necessarily work. Responding to an external environment will likely only bring a short-term change. Deep down we all know that change comes from within. It's something I am learning more and more about every day. It's like a gentle unpicking of myself and my automatic responses. I recognize the thoughts that feel good, light or fresh and I move forward with them. At the same time, the more difficult bit is that I am learning to recognise the thoughts that bring a sense of fear, lethargic comfort or just plain old habitual thinking (that leaves no room for surprise). These thoughts of familiarity and comfort are harder to distinguish, but they too often only bring a short-term relief. These are the thoughts that lead us away from being that new and improved healthy self, the one we dreamed about on December 31st. These thoughts, I don’t act on. I let them pass by without too much fuss.

So, while I deal with my own acculturation issues back here in the UK and the few New Year's resolutions that I couldn't resist making, I remember this. When I notice I am moving off track, either within my thinking or my overt behaviour, I recognise the opportunity to gracefully move on out of it. Any crankiness or shyness that might be the symptom of an unhelpful thought, for instance; 'why is everyone so unenthusiastic?' (I have just spent 6 months in America!), or 'I can't be bothered to go for a walk' have quickly been recognised as unhelpful. I can tell because they come with a physically heavy feeling. It also disconnects me from my interaction with others and takes me out of a natural flow with my environment. This recognition, with my understanding of the Three Principles has given me the opportunity to recognise this experience as 'thought-led'. Thought being a moment to moment creation that I can't control, but I can let pass by. So if it feels sticky, I remember that under that heavy thinking is something more pure and insightful, or even just the potential for some other new thought. The more I trust this, the more I experience it to be true. In the times that I have a deeper felt sense of what I want to do, I acknowledge that I am not quite ready and I just start. In the cases where there is no deeper felt sense, I stay still and remain kind to myself.

Eventually, a more useful thought may come along bringing something new and fresh. In some cases, this may even just be to apologize and smile. It's incredible what these non-automatic responses can bring about. When we offer genuine, non-automatic responses we leave behind the clumsiness of the previous experience. We give ourselves permission to not berate ourselves and due to this, we can genuinely move forward into unknown territory.

The beauty of facing a new year is that our thinking and subsequent expectations get a chance to run wild. Temporarily our slate is blank and anything is possible. We are not restricted by our everyday, self created identity. In these moments we are more likely to entertain our potential for change, brave enough to admit our less attractive sides and more willing to shine without fear of what others might think. There's a lot to be gained from this time and the ritual of making New Year’s resolutions. But as the dust settles and we fall back into our more familiar life, remember that the excitement and potential we felt came from a thought. A thought about changing the number 2011, to the number 2012. This means that really we have that potential at every moment. New habits, from eating, to exercise and to the way we communicate with each other are all there for your making. The most important thing we can do to cultivate them is to listen to the feeling that our thoughts create before we act on them. By doing this, we'll always know we are doing the best that we can in any given moment.

So, when you fall off your shining new horse, take notice, dust yourself down and then grab the reins and climb back on. And if the idea of that sounds easier said than done, what I actually mean is; take notice, take a deep breath, let go of previous thoughts and move as gracefully as possible into the next fresh moment. Just remember to go steady when the inevitable and often familiar thought-led obstacles come along, you’ll know them by the feeling they bring.

"Good Grief"

This blog was created by Faye & myself with the intention of sharing with you the stories we step into as we each navigate through this world. I, therefore, never know too far in advanced what I will write about. Rather, I try to observe life with an awareness of how we are all using our thinking, our consciousness, and our mind to interpret all of life's happenings...and then I write about what I see. There's almost always lots of material to be gathered from all of the beautiful and astonishing things that I notice when I'm able to look from this vantage point...from this place of no personal thinking.

I would say that the happenings from my outside world this week have put me sharply in tune with what kind of personal thinking I'm in...from moment to moment. For this, I am grateful and am approaching life with greater clarity and conviction. You see, last week my young friend died suddenly, and all of the things I thought about how my week would go suddenly meant nothing and were invalid. What I was left with was my ability to listen deeply in the moment through the shocking and unexpected.

What I found was that I could do this...my self-created fears, which I created via my use of thought, were much scarier than the actual experience. In actuality, although I would never wish for my friend to be physically gone, there has been lots of room for love, beauty, kindness, learning, laughter, unexpected support, etc. I know that I was able to...am able to...experience this process in this way, because I understand my thinking. I understand that it's constant and a made up story. It's neutral until I decide what to do with it.

I also know that my feelings are born from whatever thought I've given power to, so this knowledge allows me to use my feelings differently than most. I can see that when in a feeling that I want out of, I must only remind myself that I have thought my way here. I can also remind myself that rather than overuse my thinking, I can rely on a deeper wisdom (aka Mind) to guide me in a healthier, more natural direction. I know that life looks different in this space and feels different too...I am aware of new things, because my consciousness has risen.

This isn't to say that I have escaped the feelings of intense shock and deep sorrow. I miss my friend deeply, and I wish that I could still experience her with my five senses. I have cried many tears and I have heard myself cry in a way that I have not heard in a long while. Life on the outside is real, and sometimes it knocks you down, but there is more to grief than despair and pain.

Wikipedia defines grief as: (noun) 1. Deep sorrow, especially that caused by someones death. 2. Trouble or annoyance. I believe they got it right..it is two-fold.

I call the first part , "good grief", because it is the natural reaction to loss. Sorrow is a natural part of death, and it should be allowed its time. Proof of this can be seen within the animal kingdom among gorillas, elephants, and even wolves as shown in the following story: " [A wolf pack after the loss of a low-ranking omega female to a mountain lion.] The pack lost their spirit and their playfulness. They no longer howled as a group, but rather they sang alone in a slow mournful cry. They were depressed — tails and heads held low and walking softly and slowly — when they came upon the place where she was killed. They inspected the area and pinned their ears back and dropped their tails, a gesture that usually means submission. It took about six weeks for the pack to return to normal." (http://slog.thestranger.com, 11/4/09).

Now, this second part of grief...this "trouble and annoyance"...I call this "bad grief". This part is unnecessary and counterproductive. To be troubled and annoyed by loss is not a state one should stay in, even while in the feeling of "deep sorrow". It is tempting to get lost in fearful or regretful thinking at this time. You have the perfect excuse to set up camp right at your own little pity party. The problem with this is that it feels awful, AND while you are at your pity party, you're just experiencing the story you have created. There's something so much deeper to attach yourself to.

If you get out of your own way for a moment, you may notice that the part of your loved one that you feel is still with you. For me, I feel my friend throughout the day & this brings a smile to my face as often as it brings a tear to my eye. I honor her and in so many ways she cannot be taken from me. During times of wayward thinking I may forget this, but luckily I know my way back to the truth.

I have a choice here...even in grief. I get to decide how much crying and solemness feels right for me. I also get to follow my joy in life. I get to remember her in a way that serves me well. Because of my understanding of how we each create reality, I get to move through this in a way that allows me to comfort myself quite naturally. Never have I been more grateful for my understanding of The Principles, and never have I risen to a challenge with such courage.

This blog is dedicated to the lovely & departed Allison Cohen.

Thank you for encouraging me to live life right now!

Enjoy Thanks Giving, but check your use-by dates.

Here in America, I'll be celebrating my first Thanks Giving. So before entering into this alien territory, I've been considering my own beliefs and traditions. Beliefs are funny things. The silent killers among us. Have you ever noticed yourself shy away from a situation, judged another or even berate your own desires due to a longstanding belief? The problem is that everyone of us carries around a sack full of them. Some beliefs we wear with pride "I believe that in this day and age everyone should have access to free education". A noble and fashionable belief that many would publicly applaud. However, others lay hidden away amongst the dirty laundry of our minds "I believe that my family doesn't have faith in me". Beliefs like this can be destructive and hurt to admit, even to ourselves. Ultimately these beliefs, conscious or not, will play out in the smallest of details within our everyday life. They crop up time and time again, because they offer us a blueprint by which we make our decisions and navigate our world.

Beliefs, judgements and ideas; they're all grown from the same seed. The seed of thought. They are just one of those millions of thoughts that we experience everyday. No different from that fleeting thought of 'I wonder if I look better in the blue skirt?'. It's just the thoughts that we recognise as our beliefs often mean more to us. They've been around for longer and we've identified some part of ourselves with them. Up until a couple of years ago, I believed that "people who were older than me knew what they were doing". You'd be amazed at how this influenced my outlook on life. I doubted my own perspective over those who were older, I didn't listen properly to younger people and I was always left scrambling around after someone elses' 'truth'. These were just some of the more obvious symptoms of my underlying belief. I was aware of all these strange character traits, but it wasn't until recently that I realized what was fueling them. This belief. The persistent thought. You see, it makes sense, when we are young it pays to think that older people know what they are doing. It offers security, trust and constant opportunities for learning. However, as time goes by, this thought has lost it's usefulness. Its function has expired. My undesirable character traits were the symptoms of an old thought that had long passed it's use-by date.

Thankfully just becoming aware that I had this thought has allowed me to navigate it more gracefully when it does present itself. I listen more deeply around younger people and I'm less likely to respond to any insecure thoughts that it might fuel. Slowly, but surely that belief experienced through the principle of thought, is loosening its grip on me.

So when beliefs are just well worn ideas and ideas are grown from thoughts, and thoughts are coming and going at a rate of knots every moment; perhaps something less sinister is going on. We are innocently, yet automatically acting out of old knowledge. The Marriam-Webster dictionary says beliefs are "A state or habit of mind in which trust or confidence is placed in some person or thing". This suggests that at some point in our lives we ran this simple equation;

"Situation + Thought = Appropriate Action".

For instance, perhaps when I was young I found it was easier to eat chocolate than to experience sadness, leading to the belief that:

Sadness (situation) + ''chocolate makes me feel good" (thought) = Eat chocolate & feel relief.(Appropriate Action). Fine for a teenager, but the adult body can be less forgiving of this one.

However, such responses can now be understand via the principle of thought that brings these beliefs into being. They appear as thoughts, but more frequently and they come with a physical sensation that is familiar and offers security. In times of 'low mood' when I feel tired and my thoughts are not offering me anything useful, my beliefs offer me a comfortable fall back position. They offer quick solutions that require minimal creativity or energy. However, as human beings we all have the creative potential to find wise and context specific solutions for any given circumstance. We don't have to rely on old formulas. Though it does take courage to know when 'not' to use them. It just takes a little trust and taking a moment to quieten down before we act. By doing so, we can develop a sensitivity to the feeling that accompanies each thought before we act on them. It is familiar and safe? Then it's likely to be old thinking. Is it fresh and light? Go with it, you might just surprise yourself.

At the start of our workshops we often say "Listen with an open mind, you can always go back to what you believed afterward". So here, I am asking you to be more aware of what's driving you. Challenge those beliefs by simply knowing them for what they are; old thoughts. Then use, or don't use them wisely. Using the creative power of Mind, Thought and Consciousness, what beliefs are guiding your day and are they passed their use-by date?

"That's what it is, man. If you got it today you don't want it tomorrow, man, 'cause you don't need it" (Janis Joplin)

Resiliency Trumps Change

I recently spoke as a panelist at a community forum to address change & how to cope during these turbulent times.  This put me into some lingering thinking about change, and why this word provokes such anxiety and discomfort in people.  I found a beautiful reflection:
"Life is change.  Growth is optional.  Choose wisely." ~Karen Kaiser Clark

So this seems like common sense, yet we often meet change with heels dug deep and eyes closed tight.  Where is our wisdom at this time?  I have always believed that adapting to change with some grace is a sign of inner well-being, but I haven't always been the picture of grace through the changes in my life.  Some changes, as it turns out, had quite an undertow & I found myself sinking quickly.

In my life change has had many definitions.  As a child it was exciting and I was curious about it.  The next day full of all different things could not come soon enough. Then somehow as I grew, my excitement about change shrunk.  Change began to mean stress...stress that I could see and measure!
Luckily, more recently my definition of change is much like it was when I was a curious and trusting child.  I have learned again, or remembered, how to stay within myself in a way that allows the world to change as it will.

As simple as it sounds this is true, and here's how: The first thing you need to do is to humbly admit to yourself that you cannot control what is happening outside of you.  This leaves you with a new place to look, and the place that's left is inside you.  When you look there you'll see that you have innate resiliency that is buoyant and always available.  Introduce yourself and invite this new friend to stay for awhile! :) No seriously, it's time to remember that you have all the answers you need right where you are standing!  That fact is not dependent on anything that exists outside of you.  Change cannot touch this truth.

What's that you say?  You can't hear your inner wisdom and well being?  Don't worry, this happens to all of us every day, and there is a simple remedy.  Your personal thinking has gotten too loud and has been overused to an unhealthy degree.  You must shut it down, wait, and restart.  In other words, find a distraction, if one doesn't come wait for an insight, now restart with your awareness on a new string of thinking.  That's it, that's how to do it...rinse and repeat!

The other good news is that once you experiment with noticing your own resiliency you will automatically begin to see it in others, as well.  Now, this isn't the same as controlling your environment (which is where we started), but it does create an entirely new experience of it. Presto!  All you need to navigate through whatever change you're facing...and you had it all the time!  I encourage you to have fun with this. Remember, as this anonymous author states, "If you don't bend in the wind, you will break."  So may you enjoy the wind in your hair with no fear of breakage!