Monday, December 5, 2011

"Good Grief"

This blog was created by Faye & myself with the intention of sharing with you the stories we step into as we each navigate through this world. I, therefore, never know too far in advanced what I will write about. Rather, I try to observe life with an awareness of how we are all using our thinking, our consciousness, and our mind to interpret all of life's happenings...and then I write about what I see. There's almost always lots of material to be gathered from all of the beautiful and astonishing things that I notice when I'm able to look from this vantage point...from this place of no personal thinking.

I would say that the happenings from my outside world this week have put me sharply in tune with what kind of personal thinking I'm in...from moment to moment. For this, I am grateful and am approaching life with greater clarity and conviction. You see, last week my young friend died suddenly, and all of the things I thought about how my week would go suddenly meant nothing and were invalid. What I was left with was my ability to listen deeply in the moment through the shocking and unexpected.

What I found was that I could do self-created fears, which I created via my use of thought, were much scarier than the actual experience. In actuality, although I would never wish for my friend to be physically gone, there has been lots of room for love, beauty, kindness, learning, laughter, unexpected support, etc. I know that I was able able to...experience this process in this way, because I understand my thinking. I understand that it's constant and a made up story. It's neutral until I decide what to do with it.

I also know that my feelings are born from whatever thought I've given power to, so this knowledge allows me to use my feelings differently than most. I can see that when in a feeling that I want out of, I must only remind myself that I have thought my way here. I can also remind myself that rather than overuse my thinking, I can rely on a deeper wisdom (aka Mind) to guide me in a healthier, more natural direction. I know that life looks different in this space and feels different too...I am aware of new things, because my consciousness has risen.

This isn't to say that I have escaped the feelings of intense shock and deep sorrow. I miss my friend deeply, and I wish that I could still experience her with my five senses. I have cried many tears and I have heard myself cry in a way that I have not heard in a long while. Life on the outside is real, and sometimes it knocks you down, but there is more to grief than despair and pain.

Wikipedia defines grief as: (noun) 1. Deep sorrow, especially that caused by someones death. 2. Trouble or annoyance. I believe they got it is two-fold.

I call the first part , "good grief", because it is the natural reaction to loss. Sorrow is a natural part of death, and it should be allowed its time. Proof of this can be seen within the animal kingdom among gorillas, elephants, and even wolves as shown in the following story: " [A wolf pack after the loss of a low-ranking omega female to a mountain lion.] The pack lost their spirit and their playfulness. They no longer howled as a group, but rather they sang alone in a slow mournful cry. They were depressed — tails and heads held low and walking softly and slowly — when they came upon the place where she was killed. They inspected the area and pinned their ears back and dropped their tails, a gesture that usually means submission. It took about six weeks for the pack to return to normal." (, 11/4/09).

Now, this second part of grief...this "trouble and annoyance"...I call this "bad grief". This part is unnecessary and counterproductive. To be troubled and annoyed by loss is not a state one should stay in, even while in the feeling of "deep sorrow". It is tempting to get lost in fearful or regretful thinking at this time. You have the perfect excuse to set up camp right at your own little pity party. The problem with this is that it feels awful, AND while you are at your pity party, you're just experiencing the story you have created. There's something so much deeper to attach yourself to.

If you get out of your own way for a moment, you may notice that the part of your loved one that you feel is still with you. For me, I feel my friend throughout the day & this brings a smile to my face as often as it brings a tear to my eye. I honor her and in so many ways she cannot be taken from me. During times of wayward thinking I may forget this, but luckily I know my way back to the truth.

I have a choice here...even in grief. I get to decide how much crying and solemness feels right for me. I also get to follow my joy in life. I get to remember her in a way that serves me well. Because of my understanding of how we each create reality, I get to move through this in a way that allows me to comfort myself quite naturally. Never have I been more grateful for my understanding of The Principles, and never have I risen to a challenge with such courage.

This blog is dedicated to the lovely & departed Allison Cohen.
Thank you for encouraging me to live life right now!