"At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice."
~ Maya Angelou
This blogs comes to you after a hibernation and transformation period, during which I was not ready to write. In short, life has opened up again. A new level of awareness has been found...one that Maya Angelou apparently realized at the age of 15 (lucky girl!).
So much of my life I have struggled with and focused on my ability to resist. To resist status-quo, "shoulds", temptations, labels, and my own thoughts & ideas. Often times I wanted a stronger voice and more understanding in the moment. It has only been recently that I have truly grasped the magnitude of surrender...daily life surrender.
What occurred to me was that although I knew that finding my way had nothing to do with control, I was still trying to control a lot of things. I put energies and thoughts into the plans of everything with the hopes that it would result in more security within my business, my kids, my self. Instead, this over focus on personal thinking was allowing me to miss my insights along the way.
One day, I had a moment where my consciousness opened a bit and I saw myself on this hamster's wheel. Spinning and spinning with good intentions, but having no more fun.
Since then it has simply made no sense to engage in this habitual thinking and planning that at one time seemed impossible to let go of completely. "Who can let go of all control in this Western world?", I would say to myself. Now I know the answer...I CAN!
The insight was something like "I won't know how much I know until I surrender & let go of this illusion of control." As is always true of insights, since I provided the courage to go with it, I was rewarded instantly and massively. It has become fun to look for the signs rather than direct traffic. I'm now too engaged with life to busy myself with that old game. I almost don't know how to explain the difference in my experience since I had this culminating realization, but I will try.
In my family life, I feel a feeling of letting everyone be. Everyone gets to be what they are. They get to be right when they are and they get to be wrong when they are. No reason to get mad at that, but plenty reason to see the wisdom wherever it is. I see so much more clearly that we all get caught up in personal thinking and step away from surrender and listening even with the best of intentions. It's hard to bring your highest self to a situation if your sense of control sits behind the wheel. I see this in myself and others, and what has happened is that I feel peaceful. This peace is the platform by which I parent, partner and connect with those that I love. I've never felt closer to my family and this brings immeasurable joy into our home.
In my professional life, I have not stopped being informed and prepared, but what guides me most is the wisdom that all there is to do is be aware. I know that I'm supported by something that is all-knowing. Seeing this means that all I have to do is have the ability to notice this wisdom and then choose to act. This is so much different than having an important game plan, or needing my client to see something behind my words. The trust and the confidence in it is contagious, and it shows in my recent business opportunities. People feel my renewed faith in how much we each know.
On a community level, I am making strong connections suddenly that have an amazing influence on my life. I'm being recognized and complimented. I'm realizing that I have friends everywhere I go. I'm smiling at strangers and they are infected by it too. I'm seeing that I'm the kind of person out in the world that I want to be. I'm not too busy planning to notice the woman who needs help or the litter on the ground.
None of these things were goals, but they're all happenings that grew from one moment when my thoughts got quiet. Now I'm loving life more than ever and I see possibilities that I did not entertain before. This...all of this came from a moment of clarity and a little insight. The power that we have as humans can truly only be revealed when we realize it is within us...then we can surrender to it rather than search for it "out there".
Now, go find your magic wand, dust it off & have fun playing!